By Chandrama Anderson
E-mail Chandrama Anderson
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ... (More)
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background in high-tech is helpful in understanding local couples' dynamics and the pressures of living here. I am a wife, mom, sister, friend, author, and lifelong advocate for causes I believe in (such as marriage equality). My parents are both deceased. My son graduated culinary school and is heading toward a degree in Sociology. I enjoy reading, hiking, water fitness, movies, 49ers and Stanford football, Giants baseball, and riding a tandem bike with my husband. I love the beach and mountains; nature is my place of restoration. In my work with couples, and in this blog, I combine knowledge from many fields to bring you my best ideas, tips, tools and skills, plus book and movie reviews, and musings to help you be your genuine self, find your own voice, and have a happy and healthy relationship. Don't be surprised to hear about brain research and business skills, self-soothing techniques from all walks of life, suggestions and experiments, and anything that lights my passion for couples. (Author and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Calif. Lic # MFC 45204.) (Hide)
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Thanksgiving is a holiday that I like personally, and as a therapist. A gratitude practice year-round is a great tool for your relationship.
The focus on what is wrong is prevalent. I see so much striving for perfection here in Silicon Valley, to the detriment of self and your partner, too. I will say it again: I have never met or seen perfection.
Dr. John Gottman's research has shown that couples who stay married have five positive interactions for every poor interaction. So please, use gratitude practice to manufacture many positive interactions.
Appreciate your partner. Here are a few ideas:
Greet your partner every day when he or she walks in the door. Put down your device, walk over, give a two minute belly hug, say hi, ask about his or her day.
Give him or her a hug out of the blue.
Say thanks and acknowledge the everyday chores.
Tell your partner that you said a nice thing about him or her to someone you know.
Admire your partner to your kids: "Isn't Mommy/Daddy thoughtful, wonderful, smart, funny . . . "
Always put more into your relationship.
The truth is, doing things for your partner actually does come back to you. It's up to you if those will be positive.
You've heard this phrase: "See what you get. This is because of how you've been acting." What if this were a positive UPWARD spiral, not a downward one?
Thank you to my clients, my readers, my friends and family. You matter to me; you change my life.