By Chandrama Anderson
E-mail Chandrama Anderson
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ... (More)
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background in high-tech is helpful in understanding local couples' dynamics and the pressures of living here. I am a wife, mom, sister, friend, author, and lifelong advocate for causes I believe in (such as marriage equality). My parents are both deceased. My son graduated culinary school and is heading toward a degree in Sociology. I enjoy reading, hiking, water fitness, movies, 49ers and Stanford football, Giants baseball, and riding a tandem bike with my husband. I love the beach and mountains; nature is my place of restoration. In my work with couples, and in this blog, I combine knowledge from many fields to bring you my best ideas, tips, tools and skills, plus book and movie reviews, and musings to help you be your genuine self, find your own voice, and have a happy and healthy relationship. Don't be surprised to hear about brain research and business skills, self-soothing techniques from all walks of life, suggestions and experiments, and anything that lights my passion for couples. (Author and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Calif. Lic # MFC 45204.) (Hide)
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Three Top Tips for a Tip Top Couple
1. Be a couple first and parents a close second.
A husband once told me that his wife had gone from being a babe to having a babe. Keep your couple identity alive and well. Have a date night once a week and don’t talk about your kids or work. Consider a babysitting swap with another couple. If you don't know what to talk about, get a book that has talk topics for couples.
2. Go to bed early together a few times a week.
This is an opportunity to connect. You need the rest, and who knows what might happen. Don’t let devices or screen-time come between you. Keep devices out of your bedroom (that means TV, too). Bed is for sleep and sex.
3. If it’s bothering you, tend to it now.
Wouldn’t you take your car in if it was making noise? Research indicates that most couples wait six years before seeking counseling. As with a good mechanic, know who to call when you need help. In the meanwhile, ask yourself what your part in it is and what you can do (vs. what your partner can do) to make things better.
I realize that these are simple and powerful tips; and yet it isn't easy to change your schedule and habits. While many parents look at me, as if to say, "You're kidding, right?" many couples look at me, and say, "Thanks."