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By Chandrama Anderson

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About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ...  (More)

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Increasing Number of Women Having Affairs

Uploaded: Oct 29, 2015
I've noticed the trend of more women having affairs, and have been wondering about whether others had also noticed it, and what the reasons may be.

I had a look around at the research and found a Bloomberg article from July 2013 that reported research from the National Opinion Research Center’s General Social Survey which shows the percentage of wives cheating has increased 40% over the last two decades to 14.7%.

The article also pointed out that based on the people signed up on the Ashley Madison website for married people to find someone to have sex with, women in their 40s are one in three with men on the site, and women in their 30s are about equal.

Women's Sex Drive
Daniel Bergner, author of “What Do Women Want?” stated in the Bloomberg article that "An increasing body of science suggests that women’s sex drives are as powerful as men’s libidos, though they’ve been repressed by thousands of years of male-dominated culture." Bergner goes on to say, "Once you strip away the stigma from the equation, interest in casual sex is about equal for women and men,” he said. “So we men may have a lot to worry about.”

How Come?
Many ideas were proposed as to the possible reasons why more women are cheating: economic, better mate, etc.

Yet I think about the culture of Silicon Valley, the pressure, the amount of time people spend working. I think about the varied reasons people have affairs, from wanting to blow up the marriage to wanting to save the marriage, and everything in between. I think about the Marriage Interview "He Works 24 Hours a Day." I wonder if sex is good, healthy, fun, playful, assertive, exploratory, fantasy-filled, or if it's boring? I wonder if your kids are in your bed, either literally or figuratively?

Men still cheat more than women, percentage-wise. But that gap is closing.

If you want a happy, monogamous marriage, then get to work (and fun).

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Posted by PowerMax, a resident of Midtown,
on Nov 2, 2015 at 11:11 pm

PowerMax is a registered user.

I think this is an interesting topic (you are certainly one of the best bloggers on here!!). However - I want to take issue with one small aspect of the business week article you cite. After the big Ashley Madison hack/scandal, it was apparent that many of the female profiles were completely fake. So, determining that there is an upwards trend of women initiating extramarital affairs based on that is a bit suspect. Now it may be true or not, but any evidence of a trend will need to come from some better source than Ashley Madison before I'm convinced!

Posted by Chandrama Anderson, a blogger,
on Nov 3, 2015 at 3:52 pm

Chandrama Anderson is a registered user.

Hi PowerMax, Good point as far as Ashley Madison goes. That was mostly related to the age of which women are having affairs. The National Opinion Research Center has the stats on affairs overall, which does show the trend increasing of women having affairs. The best advice I can give is to talk about sex with your partner, be open and experimental if you want, and communicate with each other (and not a third person) about sex when it's going well and when it's going poorly.

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