By Chandrama Anderson
E-mail Chandrama Anderson
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ... (More)
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background in high-tech is helpful in understanding local couples' dynamics and the pressures of living here. I am a wife, mom, sister, friend, author, and lifelong advocate for causes I believe in (such as marriage equality). My parents are both deceased. My son graduated culinary school and is heading toward a degree in Sociology. I enjoy reading, hiking, water fitness, movies, 49ers and Stanford football, Giants baseball, and riding a tandem bike with my husband. I love the beach and mountains; nature is my place of restoration. In my work with couples, and in this blog, I combine knowledge from many fields to bring you my best ideas, tips, tools and skills, plus book and movie reviews, and musings to help you be your genuine self, find your own voice, and have a happy and healthy relationship. Don't be surprised to hear about brain research and business skills, self-soothing techniques from all walks of life, suggestions and experiments, and anything that lights my passion for couples. (Author and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Calif. Lic # MFC 45204.) (Hide)
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"It's kind of funny that we can easily touch each others' body parts, but letting someone into your heart and mind is somehow much more intimate."
Sandra met her husband to be when she was at work, performing, and Paul was on a blind date that didn't go well. She was seeing someone else, but he would come to see her perform.
They started dating after three years and married 11 months later. Sandra and Paul have been married now for over 25 years.
One of the biggest problems they've worked on is their power struggle. They have worked on effective communication, and went to couples counseling for help in learning tools and skills. Empathy has brought them closer.
I write a lot here on Couple's Net
about attunement: listen well, let the other know what you heard and give empathy. You are not necessarily agreeing; you are giving empathy, however.
Sandra and Paul try to express how they feel: e., g., hurt, neglected, angry, and at times "mirror" to each other ? try to put themselves in each other's shoes.
Sandra's tips for couples are:
1. Open your heart.
2. Be respectful.
3. It can be hard to be loving and caring when upset, but the other person is feeling many of the same insecurities.
4. We all want to be loved and accepted and being vulnerable is sometimes very scary.