When I came here as a child in 1969, downtown Palo Alto rolled up at 5 o'clock; it was quiet. My family lived on Channing in a gray Victorian near the old PA Med. My siblings and I ran around barefoot, mostly unsupervised. We had a rescued Keeshond named Love.
I want to encourage you to make your relationship your heart's delight, and your home your haven. There are many things pulling us in multiple directions. What if we didn't complain about our husband or wife? What if we thought, felt, and said kind things about and to him or her? What if we asked directly for help, or a change in behavior? What if we worked on our relationship as though we were working an orchard? Planting, weeding, watering; tending, trimming, and harvesting the luscious fruit, year after year. Yes, it is work.
Perhaps the path to The Valley of Heart's Delight is this: behave in loving and lovable ways. And while we're doing that, let's not keep score of how loving and lovable s/he is or isn't being.