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Michele Bachmann Drops Bombshell: America's True Patriots Are Devastated

Original post made by Liberty Takes a Big Hit on May 29, 2013

Michele Bachmann announced she will retire in 2014 in a late-night video, insisting to the strains of a stirringly upbeat, patriotic soundtrack that her decision was not made because of the investigations into possible wrongdoing on her presidential campaign or because of the challenge from Jim Graves:

"Be assured: My decision was not in any way influenced by any concerns about my being reelected to Congress. I've always in the past defeated the communist candidates I ran against, and I have every confidence that if I ran, I would again defeat the corrupt, unpatriotic individual who I defeated last year, who recently announced that he is once again running on an unabashed socialist agenda to bring down these great United States of our Christian God's America."

"And be assured," she continued, "that this decision was not impacted in any way by the recent unpatriotic, un-American inquiries into the activities of my former presidential campaign or my former presidential staff."

Accolades were almost instantaneous. "This late-night decision leaves most Americans devastated," claimed Marco Rubio (R-FL). John McCain echoed Rubio's remarks. "Aside from Sarah Palin, Michele is probably the world's greatest living female." Even the prominent Republican radio personality Rush Limbaugh chimed in: "She is a babe, what more can I say?"

Bachmann will leave behind an impressive legacy. She authored the 37th bill in Congress to repeal Obamacare, and she was one of only three Republican representatives to attend Margaret Thatcher's funeral. Such impressive accomplishments, in addition to being the tireless beard of her homosexual husband, have led many to surmise that Bachmann is using the late-night video to launch an effort to run for president in 2016.

Comments (8)

Posted by JimF, a resident of another community
on May 29, 2013 at 6:48 am

Michele Bachmann has been perhaps the single most important voice for the Tea Party caucases that have impacked every state in the union. No voice in Congress has done more to preserve America's (Comment removed by Pleasanton Weekly staff.)heritage than Michele. She is going to be sadly missed, and I hope with all my heart she will be this country's next president who will rescue us after the inevitable impeachment of Barack Hussein Obama, and restore this nation once again to a Godly nation, exceptional in every respect.

Posted by anon, a resident of Another Pleasanton neighborhood
on May 29, 2013 at 7:43 am

Wow I commented on another thread about how the european white man came and took america from the native americans and my comment was deleted by the PW. Yet jimf can post about americas pure caucasian heritage? Somebody needs to learn US history.

Posted by liberalism is a disease, a resident of Birdland
on May 29, 2013 at 8:48 am

liberalism is a disease is a registered user.

(Comment removed by Pleasanton Weekly staff.)
Please tell us more about US history, as revised by your left wing JC professors.

Posted by JimF, a resident of another community
on May 29, 2013 at 9:40 am

I understand how so many Americans today are genuinely saddened by this terrible news. liberty disser from Birdyville, for example, is even more incoherent this morning than usual. As Rush states in the article, Michele is a first-class babe, and the Tea Party just won't be the same without her. God Bless you, Michele, and God Bless this wonderful nation that deserves God's blessing more than any other nation, because we're exceptional.

Posted by anon, a resident of Another Pleasanton neighborhood
on May 29, 2013 at 10:18 am

I am waiting for the day That people like Jimf And liberalism is a disease Finally come to grips With the realism That the tea partiers And Republicans Lost the election. Maybe you'll win the next one, We will just have to wait and see. So how about becoming part of the solution, Instead of being part of the problem.

Posted by jimf01, a resident of another community
on May 29, 2013 at 12:14 pm

jimf01 is a registered user.

I am truly honored to be considered such a target still here on these message boards. I thought your new favorite target was David Miller? Irregardless, I will flag the posts impersonating me for removal. You kids need a new hobby. Seriously.

Posted by jimf01, a resident of another community
on May 29, 2013 at 12:19 pm

jimf01 is a registered user.

The satirical posts are quite humorous though.

Posted by A Neighbor, a resident of Another Pleasanton neighborhood
on May 29, 2013 at 12:25 pm

jimf01, nobody here mistakes you for any other Jim on the posts. Trust me. As for anon and LIAD, they should recognize political satire when they see it. We have some great writers here auditioning for a spot on the staff for Stephen Colbert. Keep it coming, guys!

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